Funny Japanese TV

I think we need more Japanese influence on our TV.

Would be much better than the rubbish we see right now…

You just have to admire the resilience of these contestants on this gameshow. Even when all seems hopeless!

Importance of Punctuation

Sheep Count…

A shepherd was herding his flock in a remote pasture when suddenly a brand-new BMW drives up in a cloud of dust.

The driver, a young man in an Armani suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and YSL tie, leans out the window and asks the shepherd: “If I tell you exactly how many sheep you have in your flock, will you give me one?”

The shepherd looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing flock and calmly answers: “Sure. Why not?”

The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer, connects it to his AT&T cell phone, surfs to a NASA page on the internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite navigation system to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra high resolution photo.

The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg, Germany. Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image has been processed and the data stored.

He then accesses a MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with hundreds of complex formulas. He uploads all of this data via an email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, receives a response. Finally, he prints out a full color, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet printer and finally turns to the shepherd and says: “You have exactly 1586 sheep.”

“That’s right. Well, I guess you can take one of my sheep.” says the shepherd.

He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on amused as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car.

Then the shepherd says to the young man: “Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my sheep?”

The Landlord

Just be glad you havent got a crazy landlord like this coming to collect the rent… 

Hmm.. YouTube and everybody seems to be pulling this video… Well heres the direct link!

The Landlord

Google Fight

Hmm.. Just something interesting I have discovered recently…

Need to settle an argument? Well why not ask Google?

So lets see.. What is mightier? The Pen or the Sword?

Googlefight can tell us which has the most Google hits

 

Seems the Pen is mightier!

 Try your own combinations by visiting the link.

http://googlefight.com/index.php?lang=en_GB&word1=pen&word2=sword

Crazy GPS Directions

So there has been many incidents in the news of GPS going crazy and giving directions that send drivers completely the wrong way or even stuck the wrong way into one-way roads… This council has even resorted to big signs to warn users of dangers ahead when following the GPS so blindly…

I didn’t think I will see directions as crazy as this though: 

“Swim across the Atlantic Ocean”? LOL!

Ok in all fairness, this isnt the GPS software that came with the N95 originally. It is a free application that uses the online map services such as Google Maps and Yahoo Maps. Still.. “Swim across the Atlantic Ocean”? Wherever it may be getting its data from, someone, somewhere had to have been having a laugh with that one!

It gets even better!

Remember to cancel your credit cards before you die…

This sounds like as good advice as “don’t rent a casket when you die.” 

Be sure and cancel your credit cards before you die. This is priceless, and so easy to see happening, customer service being what it is today.

A lady died this past January, and Citibank billed her for February and March for their annual service charges on her credit card, and then added late fees and interest on the monthly charge. The balance had been $0.00, now is somewhere around $60.00. A family member placed a call to Citibank:

Family Member: “I am calling to tell you that she died in January.”
Citibank: “The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply.”
Family Member: “Maybe you should turn it over to collections.”
Citibank: “Since it is two months past due, it already has been.”
Family Member: “So what will they do when they find out she is dead?”
Citibank: “Either report her account to the frauds division or report her to the credit bureau, maybe both!”
Family Member: “Do you think God will be mad at her?”
Citibank: “Excuse me?”
Family Member: “Did you just get what I was telling you – the part about her being dead?”
Citibank: “Sir, you’ll have to speak to my supervisor.”

Supervisor gets on the phone:

Fun while shopping at Tesco’s

Proof of what can happen if a wife or girlfriend drags her husband or boyfriend along shopping. This letter was recently sent by Tesco’s Head Office to a customer in Oxford:

Dear Mrs. Murray,
While we thank you for your valued custom and use of the Tesco Loyalty Card, the Manager of our store in Banbury is considering banning you and your family from shopping with us, unless your husband stops his antics. Below is a list of offences over the past few months all verified by our surveillance cameras:

1. June 15:
Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people’s trolleys when they weren’t looking.

2. July 2:
Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. July 7:
Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to feminine products aisle.

4. July 19:
Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone, “Code 3″ in housewares… and watched what happened.

5. August 14:
Moved a ‘CAUTION – WET FLOOR’ sign to a carpeted area.

6. September 15:
Set up a tent in the outdoor clothing department and told shoppers he’d invite them in if they would bring sausages and a Calor gas stove.

7. September 23:
When the Deputy Manager asked if she could help him, he began to cry and asked, “Why can’t you people just leave me alone?”

8. October 4:
Looked right into the security camera; used it as a mirror, picked his nose, and ate it.

9. November 10:
While appearing to be choosing kitchen knives in the Housewares aisle asked an assistant if he knew where the antidepressants were.

10. December 3:
Darted around the store suspiciously, loudly humming the “Mission Impossible” theme.

11. December 6:
In the kitchenware aisle, practised the “Madonna look” using different size funnels.

12. December 18:
Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed,yelled “PICK ME! PICK ME!”

13. December 21:
When an announcement came over the loud speaker, assumed the foetal position and screamed “NO! NO! It’s those voices again.”

And last, but not least:

14. December 23:
Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited a while; then yelled, very loudly, “There is no toilet paper in here.”

The real reason why the Democrats won so many seats…

 Thought this video deserved a post of its own instead of a link on the blogroll…

Funny guy on Treadmill

Ok its probably very harsh to be laughing at this guy… but you have to admit. Funny is funny.

So I am going to roll with it. Dont care about the racist element to it (which is evident in the youtube comments for this vid.)

P.S. Just to note, I would laugh at this vid whatever race, colour or creed this guy was… If he’s shrieking like a banshee… Why not?